Livin' on the Edge

Western Block Party They want to separate entirely from Canada and create an independent state out of Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta and British Columbia. They also don't like the whole "French and English" thing.

Summary: Why do these people exist?


Marxist-Leninist Party

They are dedicated to the exhumation and resurrection of the bodies of Karl Marx and Vladimir Lenin. OK, so I didn't actually do much research on these guys, but they seem like nice, polite people who simply adore the ideas presented by Marx and Lenin, and that's not so bad. Nothing horrible ever took place in the name of Marx's or Lenin's ideals, especially in temperate, northern states with a huge landmass, long shoreline and low population per square kilometer. So what harm could they do to Canada?

Summary: Hands up. Who here has actually read the Communist Manifesto?


Marijuana Party

These guys are your basic single issue party. The difference? They tend to forget what that issue is. Their goal is to legalize marijuana, arguing that it is virtually as harmless as other legal drugs, if not less harmful, that much violent crime can be attributed to the underground pot industry and that many fiscal problems can be remedied by legalizing marijuana and promptly levying a tax on the drug. The party's problem? Too much of their funding is spent on pizza and trips to 7-11.

Summary: Their platform is too narrow to ever elect an MP, but their parties are amazing! Man, I was flying for, like, three days straight! Really good brownies.


Communist Party

I'm getting dj… vu. How are these guys different from the Marxist-Leninist Party?

Summary: Fuse your parties and their dozens of votes and you'll get a few hundred votes. OK, almost a hundred, but still an improvement.


Christian Heritage Party

Solving our nation's moral decay by ensuring that our government follows the words of the Christian deity, and by making sure that gays or other "sexually aberrant individuals" should not be given special consideration, or even any consideration at all because they contribute to the ole' societal MD (moral decay). OK, guys, this is getting a bit tiresome. We've all heard this before. Others have tried and it didn't take. Society's doing alright and people appreciate diversity of faith and equal rights.

Summary: If we're talking theocracy, Jehovah's alright, but I'm all for Thor!


Animal Alliance Environmental Voters Party of Canada

What a mouthful. The newest party was officially registered on December 10, 2005 and was founded by (surprise) members of the Animal Alliance of Canada and the Environmental Voters organizations. So these tree-hugging, muskrat-lovers are aiming to push the causes of environment and animals on the government. Seriously, we've got this stuff covered by other parties. I mean, why even bother? Why don't you just give up?

Summary: Sometimes, democracy can be taken too literally. We don't really need all these parties do we? Sit this one out and think long and hard, you damn hippies!


The Sex Party

OK, I know these guys are a BC provincial political party, but how could I leave them out? Their goal is to develop a sex-positive society by allowing for consentual, wholesome, smiling, friendly sexual expression by promoting a different perspective on pornography, sex toys, sexual education, sexual entertainment, etc. Also, they want to change Victoria Day to Eros Day. Imagine those fireworks.

Summary: I didn't think that politicians were capable of feeling sexual feelings. Who knew?


Bloc Party

A foursome of British musicians currently leading a pack of indie-rock out of our old motherland, the United Kingdom. Admittedly raised on pop-culture, the band's songs range from an easy-going pace to a quicker tempo, with lyrical insight into life in the modern world.

Summary: A stronger economic platform would do the party good, as would a better understanding of the nuances and subtleties of Canadian life. Overall, they won't make a dent in this election, but maybe broadening their appeal will give them more support the next time around.

(Ed- Is this in the right article?)


The Nonsense Party

Dedicated to all things nonsensical, the party runs a couple dozen standout characters in ridings in some of the larger cities. Party members, candidates and volunteers frequently demonstrate in front of government buildings, corporate headquarters or film sets in lavish, completely irrelevant costumes in order to bring the public's attention to the severe lack of chaos in everyday life. The party leader is never seen outside of his ninja costume and all candidates are constantly equipped with cream pies.

Summary: These guys are the future leaders of this country. But then again Martin, Harper, Duceppe and Layton seem to already have accepted that people don't need things to make sense all of the time.


The Dead Party

This party is extremely small, but very passionate about running candidates that are, shall we say, consciousness-challenged. All of their candidates were alive at one time, but are no more. Like a notorious British parrot, these candidates have ceased to be, but can still be trusted in public office. The party administration, on the other hand, consists of morticians, mediums and a handful of poser Goth kids. The funny part is that the candidates are the best looking members of the party.

Summary: A redundant party if I've ever seen one. Anyone with even the slightest interest in politics, or whose misspent a day off or two watching parliament on CPAC, knows our current elected officials are already close enough to the mortally challenged.