Shut up your Facebook

Deep down, nearly every university student in one way or another is obsessed with Facebook. And while it hasn't caught on as rapidly in Canada as it did in the States, the online network of sick self-importance is a well oiled machine that knows exactly how to feed our most important desires. It doesn't only appeal to people because of the prevailing voyeuristic tendencies hidden in everyone. Instead, its popularity lies in the fact that we all want to be famous and desired; and failing that, interesting. Mark Zuckerberg, the developer of Facebook, has been perfect in satisfying the needs of self-absorbed students. Its power and purview is supported by the continuous bids of major companies to buy out the young creator. The latest offer was almost $1 billion, proposed by Yahoo.

Yet Zuckerberg once again turned down the offer as Facebook continues to grow. In recent months, two new innovations have been added against sudden, overwhelming, and unfortunately fake outrage. The protest, fueled by the lack of privacy the innovations caused, was momentary, and like almost every other action on Facebook, merely for show.

Through Facebook, users give the term 'friends' the loosest interpretation possible in order to continually increase one's social network. And in this way, Facebook isn't a means to show off to other people, but to boost confidence and gratify the shallow needs of the self-centred generation.

The first addition to Facebook is the news feed, which basically identifies and records every action a user makes and presents it to all their friends. Once initiated, the news feed generated petitions which circled quickly as protests reached a hectic pace. After a few weeks, not surprisingly, the objections diminished and complacency rose again as the feigned outrage was overcome by secret jubilation. -It's not that others care what we are doing; it's that we want to believe that they do. Facebook gives us all an audience on which we can broadcast our actions and feelings without a chance to be turned down. It is a vast, open community, and the more people we know, the more chance someone will become interested in us. Facebook is merely a tool for those who unhealthily rely on gross amounts of attention and reassurance.

The second act that has also inspired several online petitions is Facebook's debut to the entire online world. The once pseudo-exclusive online blog has now been opened up to virtually anyone. University students, it seems, feel that this would allow perverts, creeps, and other shady characters to infiltrate their community, as if school isn't already filled with mentally-deranged, sex-starved, drugged-up delinquents. We kid ourselves thinking that the exclusive, educated version of MySpace is somehow safer, more elite, or less of a cesspool of people bent on promoting their own self interests. Though it may be secret, we're thrilled to have Facebook open to the public, not just to increase the friends count, but because of the increase in potential audience.

One online petition cleverly titled, "Official Petition Against Opening Facebook." states the following: "Do you want your mother seeing what you were REALLY doing at that party last weekend? How about employers looking at the friends you keep? Or worse, stalkers tracking you down? None of these convince you? What about... the spammers?" For some reason students are under the impression that Facebook is secure and that they are logging into the righteous and admirable version of MySpace.

It is absurd to think that someone actually wants privacy on Facebook. It's a community energized by fame seekers and voyeurs. And those who are surprised to discover that others can see what you are doing are almost as stupid as they are hypocritical.

Winston Churchill famousl, though anecdotally, once asked a socialite if she would sleep with him for five million pounds, and she replied with a yes. He then asked her if she would sleep with him for five pounds and disgusted she replied, "What kind of woman do you take me for?" To which Churchill replied, "Madam, we've already established that. Now we are haggling about the price." Entering into the online world of superficialities and self-satisfaction defines a person and the salient details do not change our attitudes. Differentiating between Facebook and MySpace means that our desire for privacy, at best, is negotiable, and at worse, deceitful.

Our biggest fear isn't that people are watching-it's that no one is.