Strand Sex

Hey Britt and Valencia,Just wondering what some of your favourite toys are? Do you have any suggestions for someone who needs a good intro to toys?

Toys In Trinity


Dear Toys,

My favourites are belts, fists, and bags of oranges. Sometimes when I'm tired, I just throw her down a few flights of stairs. Hope this is what you meant.

- Britt


Dear TIT,

What's my favorite toy? What an interesting question! Many people abandon toys once they reach adulthood but, as you know, I like to stay youthful. When I was a child, my favorite toys were a little Carmen Miranda doll that came with three Brazilian dresses in the colours of the rainbow, a train named 'Choo Choo', and a rocking horse that was painted to look like a grand Arabian steed. I find that with the right amount of lubrication and a proper angle, any of these items provide interesting sensations when inserted in your hoo-ha.

- Valencia


Dear Britt and Valencia,

I can't stop having these dreams about animals. I want to give them kisses. What should I do?

Dancing With Wolves


Dear Wolves,

Women are a lot like animals, mostly because they're not people. Sometimes animals trick us into thinking they're human, but they're not, they're just fucking animals. Anyway, if I can have sex with a woman, you should be able to have sex with their intellectual equals in the animal kingdom, polar bears.

- Britt

Dear DWW,

Britt is obviously joking. SOME women are even BIGGER animals in bed than animals themselves! However, if you want to get down with an animal, don't waste your time unless the animal has a reputation for being an animal in the sack. Try the dolphin, bonobo, or the common house gerbil!

- Valencia


Dear B&V,

What if you are really attracted to someone and some part of their anatomy repulses you so much that you have to stop something right when you're in the middle of it and leave the room?

J. Walker


Hey Johnnie,

Since penises are the epitome of perfection, I assume you're talking about the rather imperfect female form. When I'm with my Valencia, I have a little trick I suggest you use. When I'm penetrating her tender vaginal tissue, I merely pretend it's the anus of a vastly superior man. Since I am still engaging in intercourse with a female, I cannot be considered homosexual. That way I won't burn in hell. Cheers, and enjoy your extremely heterosexual intercourse.

- Britt

Dear Johnnie,

All people's genitals are different. Sometimes women have small clitorises that are hidden by the clitoral flap, while some have an enlarged clitoris that looks like the head of a child's penis. Maybe if you'd asked why my clitoris was so big before you got up and left the room in the middle of our intercourse, I could have explained this to you. You seemed to think I was a hermaphrodite, but assuredly I am not. Your loss, I would have given you the ride of your life.

- Valencia